Journey to 5k- T-minus 10 days

So I should be really excited about this countdown, when instead I'm actually dreading it. Well, remember back in the beginning days...perhaps even before I quit smoking? I did say that I would lose motivation. I stuck with it longer than I thought I actually would but this whole running thing became something I "had" to do instead of something I "wanted" to do. And with me being me, I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore since it felt like a chore.

So here I am with 10 days until I participate in The Color Run with my friends and children and I'm ashamed of myself because not only have I not been "running" as often but when I do my times have gotten horrible. So naturally that is a huge downer. Of course I still do go on the daily wellness walks at work which is a 1.5 mile walk. I figure at least I'm doing something. Something is still better than nothing right?

I did run on Monday (today is Wednesday) but I was lazy and didn't blog about it. I ran 1.6 miles and my time was absolutely awful (in my opinion). My son went with me but went home before I finished. He was funny though as we were going. I told him to stay home and eat dinner and he responded with "No Mom, I need to go. I have soccer starting, we have that marathon to do, and this competition coming up." Ok now if you're anything like me the only thing you caught from that was "marathon". What in the sam heezy is he thinking? Then again, this 5k is going to feel like a marathon for me.

Now the one thing that I have stuck with throughout...what day is this again? Anyway, I still am 100% smoke free, unless you count second hand smoke. I did have a dream about smoking last night but I can't remember all of it. Now what happens when you brag early on? Exactly... I was going on and on about how I'm not substituting food for cigarettes (which I'm still not) but guess what? Yes, you guessed it. I have gained around a total of 10lbs since I quit a month and a half ago. I do believe that this is part of my loss of motivation. Weight gain, slower times. Doesn't sound like a winning combination to me. One plus is that I haven't really had those crazy mood swings since that one awful week, however, I did kind of snap today. Let me tell you that story.

At the beginning of the wellness walk this morning I was telling the girls about my weight gain. My "goodest" friend tells me that I should keep running then. Now giving her the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure she was trying to motivate me. I didn't like that so I responded with something really not nice to the effect of F*** Running! I know that is shocking to believe but that is how I felt at that moment. Then I continued with adding walking and working out. I even went as far as saying that I was thinking of starting smoking again just to lose the weight. They didn't like that idea so I decided that I would just get lipo instead. My "goodest" friend...bless her heart...says "yeah, I need lipo too. I need to get rid of these love handles." And this is when I snapped. Every other word was a cuss word so I will not repeat it here but I did end with "I hate skinny chicks that say that crap!" I was very serious too. Now my other friend that was with us happened to be walking in the middle and decided she was going to jog ahead because she didn't want to be in the middle but she did agree with me. I later had to apologize because I know it was wrong of me to snap on my friends like that but I'm very grateful that I have understanding friends. She told me that it's better that I rant than smoke again.

Tonight I had a Parent Meeting for soccer and then picked up dinner on the way home. Naturally, being down on myself about the weight gain, I wanted to eat instead of go running around the park. So with that I will end with this picture that is just so fitting at the moment.