10/24/2005

Funny how things work out
Current mood was indescribable when this was written Monday, October 24, 2005 7:48am

Ok, just a little blog to say that its really amazing how life works out. The daily routines, the people that come in and out of your life, the mistakes, the decisions, etc.
Life can be very confusing, like an entangled web with never ending road blocks. Although you may have to take many detours eventually the light will be shown. There may be big hurdles and small puddles to jump. You may fall or get wet along the way but just brush off the dust, dry yourself off, and move on. Every day you will become a stonger person because of the decisions you make. Even if you don't see it right then and there you will eventually be able to notice it one day. For every mistake you make, you have to evaluate it, learn from it, and move on......MOVE ON STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!
For those that know me know that I've been thru quite a bit in the last 2 years. Sure I am still recovering, evaluating, getting stronger, the confusion hasn't gone away. Well I have made some outstanding friends, lost a few along the way, and realized so much about this crazy and wild life I live. I have found out more about my family history (well what I needed to know at this point in life), gotten in touch with relatives I haven't seen in years, as well as some that I have never met. The ones I have never met are so wonderful and willing to help me with whatever I need for my upcoming endeavours. My life has changed so much as well as my thoughts, actions, etc. I surround myself with different people and although some are still the same my decisions and thoughts are different. Funny what you learn when you come to a road block and need help finding new direction. You really learn who your "friends" are vs. "acquaintances." I will be going thru some serious changes in my life here in the next few months. This will show me who is with me and who is against me. Who is my true friend and will support me and who is just an acquaintance that will blow me off.
I have learned alot being a single mom in the past month. And when I really get to living on my own I will know whats ahead of me. Everything happens for a reason and I know now why I am stuck here.....at least I think so. I have been shown a whole new world that I would have never seen if certain things in life didn't happen. This new world is one that I will be exploring. This new world is helping me build the bridge to get over the river I have come across. (tears I have cried, dams I have broken, currents I have created) This new world has brought me back in touch with my family as well as meeting new family. This world has brought me back to the person I was and need to be. I have 1 person to thank for that and I will never be able to show her enough appreciation for this. Ok I have to thank her husband also...
God works in mysterious ways and we will never have his ways figured out but we can only guess. Sometimes the light is shown bright and other times we have to look for the small ray of light he lets through. The important thing is to know that he is there always no matter what decision in your life you make. Don't turn your back on him, there will be some days he is the only person you will have to call on. There will be days when you have lost all hope and you will call on him and there will be no answer, but sometimes you have to leave a message. I have been at my lowest when I had no hope and I left numerous messages and almost lost faith. I knew I couldn't lose my faith so I set it aside and went on trying to win the numerous battles I have encountered and still continue to encounter on my own. Little did I know God was there with me the entire time, refilling my amunition, my energy, making me stronger every day. Never lose your faith in God (or whomever it is you chose to worship/believe, that superior being) because he never loses faith in you. I learned that when I stepped foot back in church (even if its not the religion I was brought up) and I was welcomed with open arms!!!!!!!! Religion doesn't matter, its the faith and hope you have in yourself and in others that counts.
Ok sorry, tangent...lol Hey, you know me.....My point is that its funny how life plays out. You never know what is in store for you. Why would anyone want to know? Lose the mystery? If we all knew what was in store there would be no point in life. We are all here for one reason or another. The purpose of our lives will be filled only on our dying day...
Anyway, Thanks to all who have supported me, thanks to those that have given me roadblocks and hurddles, thanks to those that are by my side (and there are only a few). I don't have to name names, you all know who you are. And if he (and "he" knows who he is) is reading, know that you played a big part in my life! You still do on a daily basis, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I have endeavoured some of the biggest battles in life because of you and I have been down to my last fight, but I gained enough strength to defeat and overcome. I can never thank you enough and just know that you will always be apart of me (whether I'm cussing you or missing and loving you) no matter where my life takes me.
If you have read this far then I appreciate it!!!!!!! You are a friend to me and thats what matters.....not how high my number is for my friends. Now if you are really a true friend you'll respond to this or at least leave a comment.....damn!!!!!!!! hahahaha