So I still can't believe that today marked 3 months since I quit being a "Butt Head" and quit smoking cigarettes. Some days I don't even think about it and then every once in a great while I think about "what if I had one?" It has become so natural for me but I know that I'm not in the clear just yet. I was smoke-free for over a year before and out of spite I started smoking again. Such an easy habit to pick back up. I believe that the only reason it has been so easy for me is the fact that I felt really sick the day I quit and I had the upcoming 5k's to look foward to. Now that those have passed I am really thinking that I am going to hit some bumps in the road.
Not much has changed in the last month except my weight. Even with me running 2 miles 2-3 days a week and walking 1.5 miles 2-3 days a week I have still managed to gain about a total of 15-20 lbs now. That is altogether not just in the last month. I still don't feel that I've changed my eating habit but there are those days I catch myself just snacking all day. With this weight gain it has brought my spirits down. When this happens I am unbearable to be around because I just don't care what comes out of my mouth and I tend to be very hurtful and mean. I even had to take a break from all social networking, basically twitter since I deactivated my facebook and who really goes to myspace anymore? I figure that if I don't have anything nice to say then I just need to keep to myself because I have been known to seriously hurt some feelings.
Aside from being mean, I didn't notice any serious moodswings in the last month. This is a good thing right? I don't believe that I am so quick to snap anymore. Either that or it has become such a normal thing for me that I don't notice it as being odd. Perhaps I need to ask some of those that are around me often...or not, because I don't really want to bear that guilt.
All in all I do feel great. I just see my weight as a minor but huge downfall and I will have to find a way to one day work harder at fixing it. Like I mentioned before, my son finally noticed that I quit smoking. Shows me how much my children really do pay attention to me. I think it is funny how when some people find out I quit smoking, they tell me they didn't even know I did smoke. I'm not sure if that really is a good thing or not but I'll take it as one. At least I know I wasn't a stinky smoker all the time.
I will end on that note... Keep praying for me because I know this is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. Never know when I will really want to start again...hopefully never, but you just never know.
Thank you to those that put up with me on the regular and to everyone that is supporting me in this. Even just a "way to go" means a lot to me.
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