Earthquake!

Did you all feel that? I hear it hit about a 7 on the richter scale. Please stay alert for aftershocks.

Just kidding, I did the fit test for Insanity tonight. Needless to say I feel like I'm going to pass out after my head explodes. This is what I felt I looked like doing it:



Ok so let me explain. I had just about lost all hope on borrowing this video from Running Regina. You remember her don't you? I had asked her several times and she hesitated then offered P90 but that was on loan to another friend and that has yet to be returned. Wait, let's back up a couple more weekends. I was at a friends house for her birthday shin dig. We were talking about weight, being fat and weight loss. A friend invited me to join her, her husband and her sister in their own weight loss challenge. I kindly declined because, as I explained to them, I have the desire but no motivation. So instead I took the idea to those I see daily (for my own greed of me hoping for the daily motivation)to see if they would want to do this challenge with me. Basically we started today (weigh in) and whoever loses the most 1 month from today will be paid $1 per pound lost (by each other participant). So if we have 8 people, then 7 people will pay out $1 per each pound that the winner lost. If I lose 20lbs and that is the most out of everyone that is an easy $140 in my pocket.

SO fast foward to last night. I could not sleep for crap! When I saw the clock say 3:45am I knew I was doomed for today. I believe it was the anticipation and dread of having to weigh in today. I also was up til slightly after 1am texting with an old friend of mine who happens to be a beyond beautiful fitness model. I've asked her to help me with motivation and drive. We are gonig to see what will work for me since diet is a huge part of weight loss but I have about zero discipline when it comes to diet. I want my cake and I want to eat it too! I LIKE CAKE! Ok so that was more of an inside joke between Running Regina and I. Today I walk into work and immediately they were talking about me. Asking me if my ears were burning and nearly tackling me in the hallway. Ok so I was slightly late than what I normally arrive. Everyone else was also anticipating the weigh in. However, to my surprise Running Regina came through and is letting me borrow Insanity. Why did I ever want to do this? Aside from the fact that it helped her and she looks amazing in my eyes now. OH wait, back to last night. As you can see I'm slightly out of my mind. I blame the lack of oxygen from the Insanity Fit Test. So anyway, last night I was remembering how I was contacted by a beach body employee about plugging them. So I pulled up the email and then looked into becoming a coach. I know nothing about this. While I was there I remembered that over the weekend I had looked at purchasing Insanity for myself. Then I saw the Turbo Fire video. I was 98% sold and almost purchased it last night. After this Fit Test I'm beginning to thing that I might really like this Turbo Fire better. We shall see how far I get with this video. Even after last night I mentioned to Beautiful Betty how I don't care for home workout videos because I get bored and when I get bored, I get distracted. Can anyone say A.D.D.?

So here I sit writing again and in my mind thinking to myself about how I plan to blog each night I do this workout. I may even include some self pictures of my progress. We shall see about that one. I figure, like with running and training for the 5k's, if I blog it then skip a night I will feel guilty. Well I am going to cut this one short because my head really feels like it is going to explode and I must've been squinching my face (is squinching even a real word? It is now in my book.) while attempting to work out because it hurts too. No comments from the peanut gallery. I can just hear all you smart-asses right now. Yes, it hurts me too. blah blah blah

So stick around, this could be very interesting since I am not a fan of sweating, working out, running or anything that does not involve stuffing my face with food. Wish me luck! I want to win this money...all while becoming more fit and happy with my self image.

Paper Weight, Heavy Weight

Well Hello there! How are you? Yes...you!

Ok so we all know that I haven't blogged in a couple of months now. In that time not much has happened. Ok, so a lot but only if we're considering weight gain.

I know what you may be thinking right now. Yes, I actually have gained A LOT of weight. Unfortunately I've become a lazy fat ass and I don't even have the excuse that I lay on the couch, watch soap operas and eat bon bons a la Peggy Bundy style. Believe it or not. I didn't want to believe it myself until today. Today I was at cheer practice (remember, I'm a cheer coach for my daughter's middle school team) and I happened to be standing in front of about 10 fullsize mirrors. Anyway, I glanced over at something and I thought "WHOA! Is that really me?" I felt like I was looking into a funhouse mirror. You know the kind that make you short & fat? So I tried to not look back into mirror. Then came time to show someone how to do a foward roll. (Parents, teach your kids how to at least do a somersault aka foward roll. But that is a different conversation). Anyway, I was squatting down to show her how to begin and man....I felt like a weeble. C'mon, you know how it goes right? A weeble can wobble but it can't fall over. Yes, that is exactly how I felt. Much like this picture, if only I was that adorable.



Now before you start to say "well you had to have other clues that you were gaining weight!" Yes, you are right, I did have other clues but I didn't realize how big I have gotten until now. I knew I gained weight since I quit smoking 6 months ago. I would be the first to tell you. Yes, my clothes were getting tighter. Yes, my muffin top was turning into a serious spare tire. I guess I was just in denial. The biggest thing was yesterday when I went to put on a pair of pants (not stretchy, not jeans, but a weird material) and I literally had to squeeze myself into them. Let's just say that it hurt. Even going to the doctor didn't help me realize my size. Well, I know it now.

It is funny, I had mentioned the other day about having the desire but no motivation. I have had the desire to do something about it for about a month now but have zero motivation to actually get off my butt and do anything about it. So let's take a step back and look at what happened for my tremendous weight gain. (No, I am not going to divulge how much but it is a lot more than one should gain in a time span of 3 months) Well if you have followed my blog then you would know that I was running over the summer to try to train for a couple of 5k runs that I had signed up for. I participated in those and did fairly well considering. Then it all stopped. I ran the 2nd 5k and took a week off. Then I went out of town for work, which meant another week off. Then after that work has been so crazy that I haven't even been going on the wellness walks. Of course the weather is pretty cold these days but that is no excuse. Basically since the end of September I haven't done any cardio activity. I went for a walk last week with my boss around the parking lot at work and I was so winded. It made it difficult to talk without gasping for air, granted it was around 30 degrees outside.

So what am I going to do about it? I have no clue whatsoever. I think about things and say "oh yeah, I could do that" or "This sounds like a good idea" but unfortunately I still don't have the motivation required to help me succeed. I don't want to set myself up for failure (as if that hasn't happened already). I'm not disciplined enough for a diet and I know that is like 80% of weight loss. So until I figure it out, I will sit here and continue to be depressed and eventually will come around. Hopefully anyway.

Well, there you have it. A quick update. Thanks for reading.

GHETTO

G-H-E-T-T-O.

GHETTO.

How exactly do you explain (logically)to someone what ghetto is? How do you explain this to a child who has grown up hearing the term and using the term but then seriously asks you one day? "What does ghetto mean?"

When I was first asked this question I opened my mouth to answer and quickly I was speechless. Being that I was driving at the time, passing by low income housing, I could've easily pointed and said that is ghetto. Or I could have mentioned a few "famous" people and said that they are ghetto. I really wanted to give my child a serious answer though. I couldn't think of a way to seriously give a definition of what ghetto is. I thought to myself, what is wrong with this? How could I seriously not explain what ghetto is in a serious manner?

So I looked up the merriam-webster definition of "ghetto" in the meantime:
1 ghet·to noun \ˈge-(ˌ)tō\ plural ghettos also ghettoes

Definition of GHETTO

1: a quarter of a city in which Jews were formerly required to live
2: a quarter of a city in which members of a minority group live especially because of social, legal, or economic pressure
3 a: an isolated group
b: a situation that resembles a ghetto especially in conferring inferior status or limiting opportunity
Examples of GHETTO
He grew up in the ghetto.
Origin of GHETTO
Italian, from Venetian dialect ghèto island where Jews were forced to live, literally, foundry (located on the island), from ghetàr to cast, from Latin jactare to throw — more at jet

First Known Use: 1611

2 ghetto transitive verb
Definition of GHETTO
: ghettoize
First Known Use of GHETTO
1936 ghetto noun (Concise Encyclopedia)
Formerly, a street or quarter of a city set apart as a legally enforced residential area for Jews. Forced segregation of Jews spread throughout Europe in the 14th–15th centuries. Ghettos were customarily enclosed with walls and gates and kept locked at night and during Christian festivals. Since outward expansion was usually impossible, most ghettos grew upward; congestion, fire hazards, and unsanitary conditions often resulted. Ghettos were abolished in western Europe in the 19th century; those revived by the Nazi Party (see Warsaw Ghetto Uprising) were overcrowded holding places preliminary to extermination. More recently, the term ghetto has been applied to impoverished urban areas exclusively settled by a minority group or groups and perpetuated by economic and social pressures rather than legal and physical measures.

So with some events that happened since my child asked me what ghetto meant I had a conversation with another adult and "ghetto" was referenced very loosely. This is what actually made me want to write on this. The term "ghetto" has become such an everyday word in lots of different cultures, cities, ethnicities, etc that to say something is "ghetto" does not necessarily mean that it is "slumming". In discussing an altercation that happened at a middle school, this friend of mine referred to the school as ghetto. So I listened and heard her out. After naming and comparing numerous local middle schools (Junior High for those that call it that) it came to discussing how the public school district boundries made no sense. What it all boiled down to was how certain types of children didn't belong at the original school in question. I will leave race out of this because that was not brought up in the converation. So basically, a couple of children were mentioned and said that they didn't belong at the school they attend because it is ghetto for them and they don't belong. Instead they belong at one of the newer middle schools in a "richer" part of town. My thoughts were to reply with "so they should be going to school with the snotty rick kids" but I kept it contained to my thoughts as I was hearing her out. Now let me explain that the school in question is a very mixed school. It's district boundries include a wide range of the spectrum. From low income to high income. Being that it has such a diverse population of students there are bound to be problems. In looking at the school districts, there is not one middle school that could NOT be defined as "ghetto" with the exception of the "snotty little rich kid" school. Now the city in which I live is not the slums by any means but I just feel that it is so diverse that there are no definite areas where you can say it is ghetto or it is not.

So back to my response that these children belonged at the other school than which they attend. I did open my mouth and have a light moment of word vomit. Basically I responded with "so what then? So they can attend these "higher income" high schools with drug problems?" No, I'm not proud of my moments of word vomit but I mean what I say. It is true, the "higher income" high schools do have drug problems that have made the news. One of which is known to have heroin problems. Very sad situation actually. The other one has it's problems of drugs and alcohol but it is not as clear as the heroin problem at the other school. Now I'm not saying this to point fingers, but to reiterate what we have seen on the local news, in the local obituaries, etc. Sure, all schools have their problems but that is my point actually. No matter where you go, you will have problems. It is just the type of problems that makes the difference. Fights, drugs, alcoholism in teens, bullying, etc. It is everywhere!

So just because a particular school has fights all the time, does that classify it as ghetto? No, it doesn't.

(By the way, this friend of mine is the one that actually got my child to thinking to ask me what ghetto is.)

Now let me end by asking you again, how would you define "GHETTO"?

4 Month Anniversary....a few days ago

So I have gotten really lazy about blogging and running and....well I'll just leave it at that. So there is something that caught my interest and got my mind running so I thought I would come and blog. Low and behold, I log in and realize that I missed my 4 month anniversary since I became a quitter.



I have no idea how I just completely forgot on the first that it was another month since I've been smoke free. Especially since this past week I've said A LOT that I am about to be driven to start smoking again. Stress levels have been super high, mostly this past week. I seriously must've said at least 5 times per day that I was about to start smoking again. Of course I haven't, I'm actually ok without it believe it or not. Even when I have a drink every now and again I am ok with not smoking. I'm sure the cold weather has something to do with that now too. HA!

So I'm going to keep this one short because I have another topic that I would like to write on before I lost it from my mind. I just would like to mention how when I was searching from the picture above there were tons of pregnancy pictures and infant pictures of "4 months". I am not pregnant but I'm sure I've gained as much weight since I quit smoking to now as a 4 month pregnant woman. DISGUSTING! Granted I just had an annual "wellness check" at work. My triglycerides are lower, my HDL is good, my LDL is above normal (gotta get that in check stat) and we just won't discuss my bmi or any of that.

Thank you to those that still support me in staying smoke-free! I may not mean that I'm going to start again when I say it but they are still the first ones to tell me I better not start again. It truly does mean a lot.

Despicable Me...

Ok so here's the thing, I haven't ran since the Chocolate Run. I know, so despicable! I'm not even going to try to justify it to anyone because I'm not truly sure that anyone cares about it besides me and I've already accepted the fact that I haven't run and that I've gained weight (in my opinion). I will attribute the weight gain to my body being swollen from travelling.

After the Chocolate Run I decided that I deserved a break. I took that next week off. I didn't even really go on the wellness walks at work (maybe 1 day) because I was super slammed at work and with the upcoming business trip I knew I couldn't just take my time at doing things. Yes, believe it or not, I actually concentrated on my work. In the famous words of my coworker: Awwwww you still care! So then came the weekend and I had too much going on between the kids activities and preparing for this trip. Believe me though, I wasn't feeling too sad about not running at all. Did I go to the hotel fitness center during my trip you ask? Of course not silly willy! Why would I do such a thing? My workout consisted of the once (if not more) a day I took the stairs instead of the elevator while going between my room and the hotel bar in the evenings. That is a whole other blog that I'm not going to get into right now.

Will I run tomorrow to get back into my routine at work?

*shakes magic 8 ball vigorously*

Social Networking and the ties that bind

I've been waiting for the day that I ran that 5k so I could just blog about whatever. Don't look at me like that, I didn't want to mix my thoughts. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am easily confused. So just to bring you up to speed, I had a long week and while preparing for this business trip had to actually turn on my computer to download a couple movies to watch on the plane. Since I was on I wanted to listen to some music. I logged into ustream and automatically went to the Red Room (Krupt Mob Radio) thinking Bumpy Knuckles would be supplying us with music but that channel was offline. In the meantime, I check my email and see that the Dugout (Delasouls Dugout)was broadcasting. It had been a long time since I'd been in the Dugout but I thought what the heck. In logging in I was immediately saddened to see the passing of Nikki (Nikki410). I must say that this is one of the best tribute mixes, ok best mixes I've heard in some time now. Any DJ that can and will mix any genre altogether and blend it well is an awesome DJ to me. Anyway, in wanting to check resources (as is almost always necessary with anything on the internet these days) I saw that I was a couple days late in hearing this saddening news. I read a blog by the always beautiful Reko Suave regarding the passing of her dear friend Nicole. So this brings me to my topic at hand.

Sure I've blogged about social networking before, but that was more along the lines of our (as a society) addiction to it. This is slightly different. While I still feel that we are addicted to social networking in some form or another I am going to speak on the ties that bind aka friendships formed on social networking. I don't care who you are, you will always form at least one friendship through social networking with someone that is on the other side of the city or the other side of the world from you. It's happened to us all. Unless of course maybe you are that extra cautious facebook only user that is only friends with those relatives or friends known for years already. I can honestly say that 99% of you that are reading this have never met or seen me in person much less heard my voice, yet a good 65% of you have come to know me through our interaction on social networking. Sure, this is a risk that many of us take in social networking interactions but it is a risk that I'm almost always glad I took. And who's to say that taking a risk on social networking is greater than taking a risk in person with meeting someone new? Oh look at me, going on a tanget already. Let me get back to what I really wanted to say before I stray to another branch of this topic.

My point of this blog is actually to discuss the actual friendships made through social networking. Don't even think of trying to tell me that you can't have an actual friendship with someone you've never met in person. We can go back and forth until you are blue in the face about this but I will never dispute the fact that I've made some wonderful friendships with people I've never met in person and I'm not sure that I will ever have the pleasure of doing so. There are a select few that I would love to meet in person and make that bond stronger. I'm not saying I don't want to meet others because I'd love to but there is a certain bond that I've been able to form with this select few. How is it possible for people to have such a strong connection with someone they've never met/seen/heard in person? Why are we sometimes so trusting with people we've never met in person and probably never will yet we are withdrawn from our real life friends?

To read a blog about a friendship formed over the internet and see how these two were able to have such a beautiful friendship warms my heart. To read how they considered each other "best friends" yet have never met in person may make someone question their sanity but it gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling that you only get from a true bond. It's unfortunate that it was written due to half of that bond rising above to Rest in Paradise. While I would love to write about how I've been able to form some friendships with Ms Parker and Sweetbacck this isn't what this one is about. Another time ladies. Sure, I have other other friendships with more than these two but I would be listing names for days.

I am getting the feeling that I'm about to just start rambling so let me just throw a ball at you all to reach out to those that you have made those bonds with. Strengthen those ties that bind. Let them know while they are still here that thanks to social networking you consider them a friend. Don't wait until it's too late. I personally have a habit of waiting until it's too late with those I see/know in person. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to reach out on social networking (even if I deactivated my facebook and don't see myself reactivating it anytime in the near future) to let someone know that I care.

Now I know that I'm going to miss someone and said someone's feelings will be hurt but please know it's not intentional. I'm just listing those that come to mind right away while I'm focused. (in no particular order) Delasouls Dugout/KMR/Breakfast Club/NKOTB/ShrugLife
Jillzworth
Exclusivejdm (Kaz)
Orgnl
Sweetbacck

Ms Parker
HotMixPrinceJay
Rustym2k
MrKinetik
devlsadvoct
barineau
KalJ
Saleem_1305 (Stillmatic)
Trackfiends
Trinidread
Catf1sh
JordansGirl81 (Pants <-I don't care!)
HeidiJo98
GmgDiva...Windy...
Gabboucla
Coriluvnthedon
Jazzy_Jasmine
Alauderdale
and 50 million of the GMG Divas that I actually keep in contact with every now and again.

(The first ones listed are the first ones that I followed on Twitter aside from NKOTB "friends". Back to the dugout days)

Now if you weren't mentioned don't get your panties in a ruffle.

sidenote: There are a couple I no longer interact with on social networking but I deemed it necessary to mention them.

Shout out to Eddie B Swift for that wonderful set in tribute to Nikki410. You got me through this blog. Yes folks, it took me this long to write just this little bit.

3 Month Anniversary

So I still can't believe that today marked 3 months since I quit being a "Butt Head" and quit smoking cigarettes. Some days I don't even think about it and then every once in a great while I think about "what if I had one?" It has become so natural for me but I know that I'm not in the clear just yet. I was smoke-free for over a year before and out of spite I started smoking again. Such an easy habit to pick back up. I believe that the only reason it has been so easy for me is the fact that I felt really sick the day I quit and I had the upcoming 5k's to look foward to. Now that those have passed I am really thinking that I am going to hit some bumps in the road.

Not much has changed in the last month except my weight. Even with me running 2 miles 2-3 days a week and walking 1.5 miles 2-3 days a week I have still managed to gain about a total of 15-20 lbs now. That is altogether not just in the last month. I still don't feel that I've changed my eating habit but there are those days I catch myself just snacking all day. With this weight gain it has brought my spirits down. When this happens I am unbearable to be around because I just don't care what comes out of my mouth and I tend to be very hurtful and mean. I even had to take a break from all social networking, basically twitter since I deactivated my facebook and who really goes to myspace anymore? I figure that if I don't have anything nice to say then I just need to keep to myself because I have been known to seriously hurt some feelings.

Aside from being mean, I didn't notice any serious moodswings in the last month. This is a good thing right? I don't believe that I am so quick to snap anymore. Either that or it has become such a normal thing for me that I don't notice it as being odd. Perhaps I need to ask some of those that are around me often...or not, because I don't really want to bear that guilt.

All in all I do feel great. I just see my weight as a minor but huge downfall and I will have to find a way to one day work harder at fixing it. Like I mentioned before, my son finally noticed that I quit smoking. Shows me how much my children really do pay attention to me. I think it is funny how when some people find out I quit smoking, they tell me they didn't even know I did smoke. I'm not sure if that really is a good thing or not but I'll take it as one. At least I know I wasn't a stinky smoker all the time.

I will end on that note... Keep praying for me because I know this is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. Never know when I will really want to start again...hopefully never, but you just never know.

Thank you to those that put up with me on the regular and to everyone that is supporting me in this. Even just a "way to go" means a lot to me.